Flux
by remuslives23
Summary: All is flux. Nothing stays still." - Heraclitus. Follow up to 'To Kiss First'. Told from James' POV. Pairing is Remus/Sirius.


_Written for **dogdaysofsummer** prompt 26 over at LiveJournal. Also meets **lover100** prompt: laughter, and **potterprompts** prompt: envy._

_This fic follows immediately after **'To Kiss First'** so the situation may not make sense if you haven't read that one first. It's not a long fic, though, and you can find it through my bio if you want to check it out. :) This is written from James' POV._

_I hope you enjoy it. :)_

* * *

Flux

James and Peter lingered in the kitchen for as long as he could, Mrs Potter finally shooing them out with an annoyed flick of her hand.

'Go and torment Sirius and Remus for a while,' she sighed, spelling their dirty plates and glasses to fly across the room to the sink. 'Honestly, how can two boys eat so much...?'

James stared at the stairs to the second floor in trepidation. Last time he and Peter entered that room, they saw something they hadn't been ready to see, something they had no right to see. He bit his lip as he recalled the image of those gangly limbs all tangled together, gold and black hair combining on the pillow, and the realisation of how undeniably _right_ it had looked made it a little harder to breathe.

It's not like he was completely oblivious; he'd seen the covert glances, the lingering touches, the whispered conversations that contained far too much fussing with hair and blushing to be entirely platonic, but for some reason, he'd never thought this far ahead. He'd never thought that there would ever be more than those hesitant smiles and awkward attempts at flirting, and the knowledge that things had irrevocably changed today reminded him of the passing of time and that this... the easy friendship, the living so comfortably in each other's pockets... would soon be something they reminisced about and that their lives would be full of adult responsibilities, relationships and war.

A glance at Peter told him that he was thinking the same thing and James clapped his hand lightly on the other boy's shoulder. Peter turned to him and smiled an open, honest smile.

'It's good, isn't it?' he said uncertainly, as if asking James for permission to be happy for Remus and Sirius. 'That they finally did something about it? It's okay, yeah?'

James knew he was asking if this would change things, if this would be the hairline fracture that would eventually break the Marauders, and he didn't have the heart to tell him that, yes, everything would change now, that they would never be the same again. Instead, he just nodded.

'Course it is,' he said brightly, ignoring the gnawing sorrow in his gut as the realisation that he was no longer the most important person in Sirius' life struck him. He swallowed all his fears and doubts and... yes, he was big enough to admit it... jealousy and smiled, hoping it looked more genuine than it felt. 'It's brilliant.'

Peter nodded his head once in agreement and they scaled the stairs together, both unconsciously holding their breath as they quietly opened the bedroom door. They peeked in, staring for a long moment at the figures on the bed. They had dressed – something James was ridiculously relieved about – and were lying side by side on their stomachs on the mattress, staring out the open window and murmuring softly to each other.

It could have been any other ordinary day, except that Sirius' leg was draped possessively over the back of Remus' and he was staring at the brown-haired boy as if he was afraid that if he blinked, Remus would disappear. There was an aura of tranquility, of intimacy, around them that made James want to both turn and run away, and demand to be a part of it at the same time. Envy and loss flared once more deep inside and his hand rubbed at his aching chest. The movement drew Sirius' attention and he grinned at them as he hurriedly slid his leg off Remus'.

'We were just talking about you two,' he said as Remus twisted on the bed to look over his shoulder towards the doorway. 'We were debating whether to drag the lake for your bodies.'

Remus chuckled and rolled over onto his back. '_I_ was in favour of giving you a proper farewell,' he told them then nudged Sirius' hip with the back of his hand. 'This one was happy to leave you to your watery graves, though. I hope you remember my loyalty next time you raid Honeydukes.'

Peter laughed and bounced into the room, flopping down on the foot of the bed and jostling the reclining boys. He thanked Remus for his concern and the werewolf began to tick off on his fingers the treats Peter could bring back for him to show his gratitude properly. Sirius smiled at Remus – James fervently praying he didn't look so utterly _whipped_ when he looked at Lily – then his gaze shifted to James, who still stood in the doorway.

He cocked his head in silent inquisition and James raised an eyebrow, glancing pointedly at Remus then back to Sirius in a unspoken, but very clear message:

_'I know'_.

Colour rose in Sirius' cheeks and his eyes widened in comprehension. He worried his bottom lip as he searched James' face for any trace of disapproval. The irritating burning in James' belly eased as Sirius silently begged for his blessing. James allowed a small smile to turn the corners of his mouth upwards and was satisfied by the gratitude and relief that flooded Sirius' grey eyes.

His all-but-blood brother mouthed, 'Thank you' to him and James grinned back, pleased that this time, he didn't have to try and inject some faux-sincerity into it.

Sirius still needed him. He had Remus now, but he still needed James.

James moved forward and sat on the edge of the bed, absently listening as his three friends debated the benefits of dark chocolate over white. It sounded natural, it sounded _normal_, and as Sirius playfully insulted Remus' taste in sweets, James smiled. This didn't have to be the end of them. Yes, things would change, he realised as Sirius surreptitiously slid his fingers over Remus', but the ties that bound them together would be just as strong as they had always been.

This wouldn't break them.

This wouldn't be the end.

fin.


End file.
